HW 19- Big Paper suggestions

To Julie:
Hey Julie,
I think that this is a good 1st draft, but there are some things that you can do to make it better. One thing I think you should always remember to do is relate your arguments back to your thesis. In you body paqragraphs, you had great observations and ideas. However, sometimes you forgot to bring it back to your thesis and show what you were trying to prove.
I also think that more evidencef and maybe some of oyu interesting points from previous blog posts will be good to add in your revised draft.

-AJA

To Devin:
Hey Devin,
I think that this is a great first draft. you have lots of examples, a great inroduction, and an intersting and detailed thesis. I also like how you gave an alternative answer to your thesis.

For your revised copy I think you should add to your conclusion by summing up your ideas ( with some evidence). You hav a lot of opinion, but i think it would be good to add some more evidence that supports your opinions (in your arguments). you are on the right track, i think you just need to keep it going =]
GREAT JOB

-aja