Thesis- Having Digital representational devices in our daily routines, is causing teenagers to not know what's going on in our society and the rest of the world.
Argument 1- Constant updates on twitter, facebook, etc. is taking away the personal aspect of everyday life.
Argument 2- Connections to Feed. How America compares/contrasts to Feed
Argument 3- DR devices making us oblivious to what's going around us. (ex: Ipods on the train ,laptops in airports, texting while walking down the street etc.)
(TRIANGLE PARTNERS: Need help developing my arguments)
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Aja Bobanna Hanna,
ReplyDeleteYour thesis is ok I think you have a good start but maybe you should make it more detailed like:
Having Digital representational devices is affecting peoples everyday lives, and our daily routine, it is causing teenagers to not know what's going on in our society and the rest of the world. Everyone is so caught up in their DR lives that they can't focus on their real lives; they also think that their DR lives are their real lives.
I think that your arguments are good you just need to find more evidence on them and make them hit people in a way where they realize that they are caught up in the fake world.
I know you didn't have much time to work on your outline in class so I cannot really judge this outline as seriously as I normally would. So far I think your only legitimate argument is #2, because "is taking away the personal aspect of everyday life"(arg #1) and "oblivious to whats going on around us"(arg #3) are really the same. Try to make your arguments more specific so that the reader will better understand what he/she is reading about in your paper. Also, try not to start off your thesis with the word "Having." It is not proper English but I'm sure you already caught that by now. Remember that your thesis is the most important part of your paper, like Andy said in class today, "crappy thesis, crappy paper." Good luck, can't wait to read it.
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